Selfish Reading

Reading so much. Retaining so little. I get frustrated that, as much as I read, I tend to forget most of it. I am not unfamiliar with the dynamics of learning - repetition is key - but it is impractical to re-read each book several times (except in the case of Scripture). Instead, I must become unselfish in reading.

So often a book becomes a conquest. Even Bible reading can become this. Read through the Bible in a Year can be a great goal IF one determines to do so with adequate time reserved for reading, thinking about what is read, and praying for the text to become fruitful in the reader's life. When I merely press forward to "check the box" I completely miss the point. I conquer the book/Book, but the book/Book doesn't conquer me.

Recreational reading is also a danger. I dare not read frequently as entertainment. It is akin to evening television viewing. I seek for some medium to simply carry me away to an alternate reality while my mind drifts along on a current determined by someone else. This is my problem with too much fiction in a literary diet. I wish I read more of it because the creative sparks it creates is good food for the mind and heart. But writing which is based on reality (and most fiction can serve this purpose if written thoughtfully) feeds the soul. Consider that Scripture contains a limited amount of fiction (parables), yet even it is grounded in eternal truth. Much of God's letter to us is story/narrative (truth, not fiction) and surrounded by myriad genres which develop the core truths of the main story.

Sometimes I read to make a point. Whether in the Bible or another tome, I seek written validation for what I think or hope to be true. Instead, as I dare to enter through the gate of a book, I should be willing to encounter the story of the author. As Eugene Peterson observes in his excellent work Eat This Book, the problem with books is that we become sovereign over the author. Because it is written, we determine when we will read and when we will stop reading. We can even, with pen in hand, emphasize, alter, or delete portions at our whim.

The tension lies in my ego. I want to read many books. I want to conquer many literary hills. And yet, selfish reading results in a superficial skimming. Instead of slowly climbing the mountain and enjoying each step of the journey on my way to the summit, I am content to fly overhead in a blur. I am, therefore, left with a hazy memory of its mass, and no recollection of the footpaths, wildflowers, burrowing critters and dimpled intimacies of the mountain's slopes.

If I read but two books before year's end, reading them unselfishly will nurture my life far better than the dozens I've read selfishly in the last five years. It is time to sit at the feet of masters and learn from their voice. Allow them to dictate the pace and the direction of thinking - not as mindless disciples, but submissive pupils seeking to understand.

What good stuff have you read lately? How do you stay intensely engaged as you read?